The Homophobe Doth Protest too Much, Methinks

Firm Like a Midshipman Braced for Ramming from Behind, Freddie Prepares to Give a Sermon

Someone will probably think that I misparaphrased the title line. I didn't. The misquote is "Methinks the lady doth protest too much.". And while we today tend to use the quote to mean that someone is implying the negative so frequently and forcefully that we are inclined to believe the opposite of them, the word 'protest' in Shakespeare's time meant something a little different. Pro is to put forth or come before. Testari, the parent word of testify, meant just that. Combining the two, we get a meaning of 'protest' to signify putting forth ones testimony. The Lady stated her case too vigorously.  Shakespeare's protest was a positive assertion, while today it signifies a negative assertion. Another misconception is that testify and testicle are related, and that Romans used to swear oaths by clutching the other persons testicles. This really wasn't the case. The practice seems to stem from the Bible.

Mouth Agape Like a Gay Porn Star Awaiting a Money Shot, Fred Spews the Word

Genesis 24:9 So the servant put his hand under the the thigh of Abraham his master, and swore to him concerning this matter.

From this we can gather that male crotch grabbing began with the Biblical patriarchs, not with the Romans. Or maybe Abraham was just gay.

But back to the word protest, in either case, archaic or modern, the quote still holds true of little Freddie Phelps today. The funny little guy has been turning his comical rantings on homosexuals for decades now, on a daily basis. There comes a time, in this case about 30 years ago, when you begin to wonder just who Wee Freddie is trying to convince.  Since he readily admits that he does not evangelize his message of ignorance in hope of converting anyone, we are left to assume that he is only trying to convince a face he sees in the mirror every morning.

By the way, this blog might wax disjointed and random from time to time. You also may wish to invest in the services of an etymology dictionary for this one, because I am in that sort of mood today.

An Astute Observation

But to make a short story long, I was poking around the netterweb yesterday, and managed to make it onto fleeting Freddie's website. I am guessing that my difficulty in perusing his profitless pages the day before was due to the innumerable hits he was receiving in light of his most recent and public acts of puerile attention seeking. It seems as though the allegations of his intent to prance around gaily with flamboyant signs at the Greene funeral were true.  The protest schedule on his site had this:

St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Parish in Tucson, AZ    January 13, 2011  12:15 PM - 1:00 PMWBC to picket the funeral of Christina Greene, the 9-year-old girl cut off in her youth for the rebellion of the parents, preachers, and leaders of this nation. 

"See now that I, even I, am he, and there is no god with me:  I kill, and I make alive; I wound,and I heal: neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand."  Deuteronomy 32:39
You ruined that child and put her in the cross hairs of a raging mad God!!  You raised her in the Catholic Pedophile Monster - priests rape children!!  You taught her idolatry all of her life, inside and outside of that whorehouse that you call a church.  You just finished your season of idols ending with Christmas.  God calls your religion "vain" - empty of His truth. 
Bring no more vain oblations; incnese is an abomination unto me; the new moons and sabbaths, the calling of assemblies, I cannot away with; it is iniquity, even the solemn meeting.  Your new moons and your appointed feasts my soul hateth; they are trouble unto me; I a weary to bear them.  And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear; your hands are full of blood.  Isaiah1:13-15

You raised her on lies and broke her moral compass!  God says, "no sodomy; it is abomination!" but you say, "it's okay to be gay!"  She is better off dead than to grow up being pumped full of more lies and more rebellion at your hands to bring down more of God's wrath onto her head.  God cut this child off!  Mourn for your sins!  Obey or Perish!


Turns out though that this information is already out of date. Pee-Wee Phelps has followed one of his tediously predictable patterns and agreed to not picket in exchange for air time. Instead of beleaguering a funeral procession, he now gets to ram his hot throbbing message down the throats of even more people, furiously pumping and grinding for thirty minutes until he has finally spent his load onto everyone's faces. Oh, man, did that come out sounding kind of gay? Sorry about that! It is just hard for me to not think of Freddie and gay in the same sentence.

Anyway, after viewing his website and looking at all the protest signs, each as brightly painted as anything seen at a San Francisco Pride parade, I dug up more info on him and his kinderkulten. One of the first things I found was a story written by a reporter about freaky Freddie & family called Addicted to Hate The author had interviewed the preposterous pater Phelps, family members, and people that have come into contact with the clan. It was a fascinating read.

While Not WBC Members, like Fred, These Men Know Tough Love

Did you know that, according to two of his sons, flagellating Freddie used to beat his boys mercilessly with a mattock handle? In case you don't know, a mattock is sort of like a cross between a hoe, a pick, and an axe. The handle is more rounded than an axe handle, and longer.  Very phallic, the mattock handle is, and funky Freddie seemed to enjoy grabbing his pole at every opportunity and pounding succulent boy ass for hours on end with a gleeful expression on his face. Slamming tight man-boy butt seemed to have occupied most of his time if the tales in Addicted to Hate are to be believed. He practiced tough love outside of discipline as well, like a drill sergeant, even a top sergeant. For instance, he was prone to roughly taking the jerkin off his little boys. He was quite the forceful shirtlifter when he stripped his kids. There is also a recounting in the story of some serious nut pounding he did to the boys. For a homophobe, Freddie has a fondness for male genital contact that is preternatural.  When his wife incurred his wrath he sheared her hair off, leaving her looking quite boyish we can imagine. We do have some evidence that he would beat his wife too while yelling hours long obscenities, but that might have been foreplay, not hatred of women. Not sure if what follows this in the story is meant to say it, but their sex life seems to have really taken off at this point. 
 
We also learn from Addicted to Hate that fast Freddie became addicted to amphetaimines . What queer fate then that in 2007 the LA Times reported that methamphetamines were "sort of the perfect gay drug"  and that they helped the user to escape internalized homophobia.  Ouch! That must make Freddie's balls clench like they had been squeezed by gay Abraham's servant!

Of course this is not the first thing that foxy Freddie has borrowed from homosexuals. As we can see, he does get some fashion sense from Sir Elton John.  

Brokeback Mountain also seems to influence fey Freddie's attire.

 Hey, Wow! I just out of the blue, for no apparent reason, had this great movie idea! Quarterback Mountain: The Wide Receiver, a tale about a gay football player that falls in love with a tight end on his team.  Oh, ohhhhh, don't get me wrong! I'm not suggesting that our favorite fag hag Freddie is gay.(hag, as in haggler, from the word haggen, meaning to chop. A fag is loose wood, so a fag hag is a wood chopper. Very manly, sweat dripping manly, gripping his rigid long pole stoutly, pounding and pounding, hey Freddie?). Freddie is far too studly and fertile to be homosexual.  The man has sired 13 whelp, for goodness sake, thirteen! Definitely not a gay man there. Well, except for some of the closeted gay men in the rural and suburban deep south. Yeah, like this one prison guard I know from back in Texas. Queer as a three dollar bill, but married and churning out kids left and right in order to conceal his homosexuality. He kind of overcompensated for it by having a few too many kids, protested too much so to speak, but southern culture can drive a person to do some strange things, at least in Texas. Not sure about other southern states like, oh, say Mississippi. Heck, there are entire web sites like this one devoted to both closet and open gay parents.

Phelps Whelp Showing Minority Concern

 At least pasty pallid Phelps has some redeeming qualities. Prior to his being disbarred as an attorney for going feces flinging psycho misogynist on a woman in court, and we are talking misogynist venom that has only seen its counterpart in the misandrist vomiting of Andrea Dworkin here, he defended minorities in court. Of course he would make fun of them and call them niggers, like the black woman who peacefully walked past him during a protest that he yelled "You filthy nigger bitch!" at. And we can't forget his mockery of the Jews either. Hmmm, in hindsight, perhaps little Freddie wasn't so humanitarian after all.  And then there is the notorious story about his tricking a minority couple into buying a baby crib that they didn't need. Maybe, just maybe little Freddie simply liked getting his hands on money. Or an even wilder maybe, perhaps he just liked pissing people off. There is a tiny little possibility that fag hag Freddie liked pissing people off, and he knew that with racial tension being what it was back then, he would piss a lot of people off. Being an attention whore, he might have really, really enjoyed the attention his 'civil rights work' brought him, Just a thought.

Alright folks, I've had my fun. Now it is finally time to spill the beans. Little Freddie is a sadist. He thrives on the pain, hatred, and misery he causes. It is a game to him. He is pushing the buttons of the entire nation right now, and loving every minute of it. He is even loving giving other Christians a bad name by association, because again, Wee Freddie is a sadist. I am not defending Christianity here, but the fact is that there are some good Christians out there that have learned to use their religion as a philosophy, not some etched in stone unchanging mandate. Like me, they know that the Bible can be made to justify virtually any position you want it to if you look hard enough, read out of context, or just deliberately misread it. This is because the Bible wasn't written like a novel by Stephen King. It is a collection of writings over a vast span of centuries. Is is likely that little Freddie knows this too. He knows that he is hurting Christians and causing guilt by association, and he likes doing it, because he likes hurting everyone! He wants Muslims to kill Jews, Jews to kill atheists, atheists to kill Christians, etc, because pain and suffering is what makes him get his rocks off.  Atop all this, he is an undisciplined sadist. He never learned how to control his sadism. You can tell it by the wild, malevolent glee in his eyes when he is at funerals increasing the suffering. 

There are ways to fight this, simple ways to stop a sadist that lacks self discipline. It is almost childishly simple to push their buttons. In fact, children do it inherently. You can cause a guy like Freddie to spiral out of control and self destruct like a Gulf war Patriot missile just by toying with those buttons. I've even shown people how to do it here in the writing I have done today. You just need to know where to look, and how to look.  You don't even have to be a sadist in order to figure it out, but it would probably help. Now, am I going to tell you how? No. "But why?" you ask. Simple. I'm a sadist. Go fuck yourself!

Dang it, what was this about, again? Oh yeah, the homophobe doth protest too much, methinks.