Sadism 101

After several requests, I have decided to do a little in-depth writing on the nature of sadism. I have discovered over the years that the average weekend ass slapper is every bit as misinformed about the topic as is the average vanilla. I will try to shed some light on the matter here as I have done in other places in the past. I also hope that the weekend ass slappers that pretend to be sadists will understand how very offensive it is to an actual sadist to have fluffy schmucks running around claiming the title as though it is a badge of honor. Would people take offense to a jackass claiming to be handicapped because he had a muscle cramp, or claiming to be Bipolar because she had a weekend of depression when her boyfriend left her? Liking to give gentle tush slaps to someone who enjoys the sensation equals sadism just as much as liking to wrestle with another wrestler makes you a strangler, or enjoying Brokeback Mountain makes you gay. Claiming to suffer from a condition which you clearly do not have is both dishonest and highly offensive. Should one of you dishonest vermin cross paths with an actual sadist we cannot magically convey real sadism upon you. Most of us would be quite delighted to transform you into a gimp, however. Then you would qualify as handicapped should you wish to plead a condition.



Sadism has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Looking back, my earliest recalled memories from around age 4 contained frequent sadistic ideations. It took me quite a bit longer to understand that these thoughts were not the standard. This was in part because I lacked the words to express them, but mostly because I never found cause to mention it.  I seem to have not been alone in my inability to express these things, as even psychiatry has stumbled over whether to include it as a personality disorder. So instead of defining it, I will just describe it and let it thus define itself.

Sadism is always on. Regardless of the situation, context, or environment, it is always there to show you the world through a peculiarly tinted lens. This can lead to some extremely chaotic feelings. The misery and pain of your loved ones tickles your fancy just as much as the misery and pain of those you don't like.  Can you imagine feeling great sorrow and empathy for someone while still finding their discomfort arousing? Can you begin to imagine the shame and disgust this makes someone feel? Your pulse rises, your breathing becomes more shallow, endorphins flood into your head, your pupils dilate, your peripheral vision becomes surreal while your focus on the sufferer becomes more focused and vivid, and all the while you are feeling deep, painful empathy for them.  In these times, you find it painful to face your reflection in the mirror. Sadism does not differentiate between objects of attention. The only exception to this that I have found is animals. Unlike many sadists, I feel no sadistic arousal when subjected to the suffering of animals. In my youth I attributed this to a mildly noble quality, but through deep self analysis I have come to understand that rather than a 'respect for innocent animals', my sadism doesn't engage because those animals lack the ability to fully comprehend the nature of their suffering.  So much for my delusion of greater compassion as a redeeming quality.

Sadism does not distinguish between gender. I am heterosexual. I only find females sexually attractive. Unfortunately for me, my sadism does not find gender or even beauty for their own sake to be attractive qualities. A sexy woman performing an erotic dance, while engaging, is not arousing to me because it is missing a sadistic element. Like the chorus of a song by Bloodhound Gang says, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying. The confusion sets in when one realizes that the suffering of a man is equally arousing as that of a woman. I've come over the years to realize that it is not the person, but rather the event, that is arousing.  Where with a 'normal' person the causality can be traced to sexual stimulus or visual imagery to generate arousal, for the sadist the event requires an unpleasant situation in order to have an effect of arousal. The person tied to the cause is only a secondary factor.  And likewise, the sadists sexual outlet also takes a back seat to the event & effect, as the emotional rush from witnessing or participating in the unpleasant event far exceeds the release of sexual tension that may occur. Until a sadist realizes this, they can have considerable difficulty coping with what they perceive as sexual orientation confusion. In my case at least, I learned to express sexual outlet with partners I found a biological attraction to, even when the sadosexual event was initiated with a male.  This led to some early difficulty and run-ins with the police, as for a summer as a teen I was inclined to involve myself in fistfights with other males when on dates with a girl in order to have sex with her. It took only a little time to modify my strategy so that, while morally reprehensible, it was legal.  Which in turn leads me to the next point.

Sadism does not require the infliction of physical pain. Emotional pain works just as well, as does humiliation. Even triggering a negative emotional response such as anger or frustration can work, and triggering a response strong enough to make someone lose control of their emotions is always satisfying. As my sadism matured and evolved, I developed various new outlets. The one that served me well for many years was created in response to a desire to avoid legal complications. By the time I was 16, I would identify a female as the object of outlet, and begin a cultivation process. My criteria for selection was not based on physical attractiveness, but on whether she had another female which she held strong emotional ties to. This could be a sister, cousin, best friend, and in some cases even a mother. The technique was always the same. I would begin by actively seducing the female while using more subtle techniques to seduce the emotional tie. I would cultivate both seductions over a matter of weeks or even months until the overt seductee was completely infatuated, and then switch my seduction technique into overdrive on the object of her emotional ties. This would culminate in a strategic arrangement where I would be in bed with the emotional tie when the other girl would arrive, 'catching' me in bed with her sister/cousin/best friend/mother. The shock, pain, and horror on her face would invariably be enough to induce immediate ejaculation as well as a sadistic euphoria that would last for weeks. The legal issues were thwarted, but at the expense of each such victim hurting my reputation among the available females which forced me to continually widen my geographical range to other circles of acquaintances, towns, and counties. It also placed me in life threatening situations on a few occasions.  I may have been off the legal radar, but was sometimes close to placing someone else on said radar as a murderer. As the years passed and my sadism matured, other avenues of outlet were opened to me. The internet became a means of quick and easy if not terribly satisfying sadistic expression. One sacrifices quality for quantity on the internet, but as victims are abundant and  peoples buttons are so easily pushed, your ability to find and engage unwitting low quality outlets is only limited to the amount of time you can spend online.

Sadism does not compliment masochism. This is a very common misconception. The vanilla observer assumes that the two make a perfect couple. The fact is, while a sadist can satisfy a masochist, a masochist can never really satisfy a sadist. A sadist needs the negative response, and the masochist is wired to translate pain into pleasure, a positive response. In order for a sadist to gain any satisfaction through  masochist, the sadist would have to exceed the masochist's pain threshold , which in turn would be unsatisfying to the masochist. This leaves the sadist with several options. The sadist can enter into an unsatisfying but legally uncomplicated relation with a masochist, can slowly convert a non-masochist into a pseudo-masochist, can engage in high risk non-consensual sadistic encounters which will likely lead to legal difficulty, can engage in legal but highly unethical acts, or can find a suitable non-sadist that is nevertheless willing to allow the sadist to perform acts of sadism on them. I have, at one time or another, done all of the above.

Sadism does not require consent. Of all the ridiculous notions, the idea that a 'real' sadist will seek consent is hands down the stupidest. You do not request and obtain their consent before pissing someone off, before cutting them off in traffic, before bringing a crying infant into a movie theater, before driving intoxicated and killing or injuring someone, before acting snarky, smart-assed, or condescending online, before crashing a party, before entering a chat or forum you know that you are not welcome in, or any of the hundreds of other scenarios that we could imagine. Why then would anyone with even  half a brain think that sadism would require consent? If the average person, vanilla, or weekend ass slapper has such blatant disregard for boundaries and feelings, why would they even in their wildest dreams imagine a right to force such artificial boundaries upon a person that thrives on pain and misery? Are you fucking retarded, or are you just filled with such a false sense of self importance that you can't even pull the sizable beam from your own eye before pointing out the miniscule mote in the eye of another?  An intelligent sadist wishing to avoid prosecution in court will seek out consenting partners if they intend to express their sadism in a direction which might otherwise land them in hot water. So will an intelligent weekend ass slapper without a sadistic bone in their body. If however the situation does not call for consent, a sadist has as much right to express their sexual nature as does anyone to act a dick or bitch who is not sadistically inclined. I am being a dick because I am a sadist and doing so feels good. You are being a bitch because you have low self esteem and being a bitch makes you feel better. Do you really think that your reason, assuming you even have the insight to know why you are being a bitch, is any better or morally superior to my own? Here is a rusted chainsaw. Go fuck yourself with it, you sanctimonious queef.

Sadism is not a choice. I would never have chosen to have wildly conflicting emotions. When I feel empathy it is tinged with sadism. When I feel love it is tinged with sadism. Grief? Sadism. Pity? Sadism. I even wonder if my outlook on life in general is tinted with sadism. I know that I was a sadist before I was a misanthropist, but have a suspicion that my misanthropy is a product of my sadism. My political leanings, my social life, and even my profession have been shaped by sadism. I do not like comforting a friend or loved one only to feel a rise of sadistic arousal building beneath the surface. In fact it disgusts me. I take no pleasure in  having to condition and program myself to mechanically offer empty platitudes to strangers and even family when all I am really feeling at their minor discomforts is a sense of warmth similar to a rush of scotch to the stomach. I do not enjoy knowing that intimate lovemaking is beyond my ability unless at least sadistic fantasies are dragged into my minds eye in order to complete the act. I find no sexual thrill in ruining my social relations and straining or destroying friendships through sadistically motivated manipulations. Being a sadist is not glamorous, nor is it fun, easy, or even desirable. It is just what I am, and there are some indications that it is at least partially genetic. Whatever it is, it certainly is not something that you can will away. You can actively refrain from acting upon the thoughts, but you can no more make them go away than you can will a limb to regrow a lost digit.

I am not looking for sympathy or pity in writing this. Despite the numerous trials of being a sadist, it has to be equally difficult having one as a friend or lover. After many years and lots of inner reflection, I am fully comfortable with what I am. It is my wish to help the rare individuals out there that are also sadists to come to grip with their condition, and to aid them in getting it under control before it controls them, as it can easily do.