Those Amazingly Prolific Sheeple

Ordinary Everyday Sheeple

In every culture, at every period in history, the bulk of humanity is composed of sheeple. Herd animals that follow a perceived, usually hypothetical authority, sheeple are perfectly willing to undermine their own individuality and critical thinking facilities in order to blend in with the herd. They bleat mindlessly at anything outside their narrow little boxes of reality.

Depiction of Famous Sheeple

Paradoxically and perhaps ironically, sheeple glorify non-sheeple outside their own spheres of influence. These notable non-sheeple are the people that fill our history books. Giordano Bruno, Martin Luther, Desmond Tutu, Socrates, Isaac Newton, and Samuel Celemens are some classic examples of non-sheeple that have shaped our lives. You will notice how those same history books are devoid of the millions of sheeple that shared those times and places. Non-sheeple are idolized even while demonized whereas sheeple are promptly forgotten.

Sheeple Evolution

But what causes sheeple? Excluding the obvious answer of sex, we can explore the evolutionary roots of this wholly unremarkable species. Our hominid ancestors were relatively weak, slow creatures, much like sheeple of today. Predators would have found them easy game. Their main advantage lay in sheer numbers and indistinctness. A hominid that stood out in the crowd was also likely marked as a target. Blending in helped to avoid being eaten, and being part of a herd meant that your overall chances of not being prey was greatly enhanced, much like your chances today of not winning a lottery. And so it was that those hominid proto-sheeple that were best able to appear average and undistinguished stood the best chance of reproducing before being eaten. The foundation for mediocrity was laid.

Only with the advance of civilization did the non-sheeple rise, and have remained at the top ever since. The first recorded non-sheeple were the Sumerian Lugals or "Big Men". The very name assigned them remarks to how they were distinguished from their sheeple fellows. The Lugals were recognized as the nobility, the leaders, the elite, and as these non-sheeple took their place further afield than the two rivers of Mesopotamia, eventually became the god-kings of ancient Egypt, forever consigning sheeple to their role of pawns and peasants, serfs and slaves, vassals and valets. With those first Big Men were the annals of history born.

Homoaries Domesticus: Domestic Sheeple

Quickly the Lugals learned to cultivate the sheeple, to breed them domestically into more useful and servile thralls. Through ethnic identity, nationalism, religion, and patriotism the sheeple could be goaded into just about any desired activity, all while the docile sheeple pulled mental blinders over their minds eye, shutting out reason, common sense, logic, and critical thought. These tools of control were good, perhaps too good, because the sheeple soon became unable to function without herd or Lugal validation. They became too timid and passive to raise their heads without the comforting bleats of the herd to bolster their confidence. Interestingly enough, these sheeple suffer the delusion that they are capable of independent thought.

Sheeple Reaction Upon Spotting Non-Sheeple

So deep is this herd conditioning that the sheeple have evolved various psychological defenses to discourage free thought within their herds. The field of psychology has identified these defenses and given them name and definition. Groupthink symptoms such as losing ones creativity, individuality, and independent thought for the 'good' of group cohesion is rampant in sheeple populations. Uninspired uniformity of surface opinion forces them to not consider that often "The Majority" simply means that all the dull witted puppets are on the same side of the fence. The effects of Jante Law, Crab Mentality, and Tall Poppy Syndrome, all identified through sociology and psychology, cause the sheeple to mindlessly attack anyone perceived as standing above the crowd. "I can't be different, so I will not allow them to either!" is the unspoken motto amongst the sheeple. Jealousy and feelings of inferiority promote these effects, as sheeple really like to believe that they are individuals. The only aspect of their attacks that are not completely groundless are accusations of elitism.

Well, yes, the non-sheeple are better than the sheeple. No doubt about it. This does make non-sheeple elite. The elite is the best of a collective whole, and non-sheeple stand head and shoulders above the herd. The only thing funny about this accusation is that the sheeple seem to think that the uniqueness and individuality of being elite is somehow an insult. "Ohhh, you're superior to me. How terrible! You should be ashamed of yourself for thinking outside the box, having common sense, and being able to form contingency plans.". Yes, thank you for the compliment. Were you not through evolution consigned to the myopic view of sheepledom, you would recognize the virtues of being elite. But as you are a mindless, bleating sheeple, you cannot break free of your distorted and illogical view to see the reality of superiority.

These sheeple have numerous uses. They build pyramids and die well in wars for instance. But for the non leading elite, they serve little purpose. You can't teach them. You can't enlighten them. You can't have an intelligent conversation with them. Their only uses are labor and entertainment. And even at that, their entertainment value is stiflingly limited. Therefore, I have created a recipe for gleaning the most entertainment from a sheeple.

Braised Sheeple.

Begin by selecting a plump, juicy sheeple. In order to bring out its rich flavor you must first lock it in a particular mindset of your choosing by searing it with a high temperature insult. Those that insult its collective outlook are best for this as they seal in its juices.

Next, reduce the heat and apply an acidic sauce of 4 parts sarcasm, 1 part humor. This will tenderize the sheeple as it cooks. It is important that you do not often look in on the sheeple at this point, as it is stewing not only in the acidic sauce, but in its own juices. Stewing in its own juices is a very important process as this is where the real flavor of the sheeple will come from.

Look in on the sheeple at infrequent intervals. You should see some bubbling and cracking on the surface. This is the juices escaping, and this should be nullified by basting the sheeple with the sauce. It is very important that the sheeple be made to retain its juices. Apply just enough of the seething sauce to seal the cracks, then leave unattended again.

Eventually the outer surface of the sheeple will take on a brown, crisp crust of feigned indifference. The sheeple is almost ready for serving. Remove the sheeple from the heat and pierce it repeatedly with barbed wit. Serve immediately with a side of uproarious laughter as this will counteract the anise-like bitterness of the sheeple's juices that burst forth from the piercing.

Braised Sheeple A La Brutal Antipathy