A Rant About a Lifestyle

World's Sexiest Wiccans Doing Stupid Wiccan Shit

I think that today I will do some lifestyle writing. There is a lifestyle that annoys the everliving fuck out of me. I mean it annoys me like one of those sneezes that won't quite manifest itself, or an itch under the thickest callous of my foot. A lifestyle so sanctimoniously pretentious that it claims heritage in ancient secret societies and cabals. I am talking of course about the lifestyle known as Wicca.

At the dawn of the twentieth century, a sexually repressed and repulsively ugly dyke named Margaret Alice Murray decided to ride the coat-tails of her superior male predecessors and stole their Witch-Cult Hypothesis. She then proceeded to scour records of European witch trials and compiled lists of 'covens', conveniently laying to one side numbers greater than 13 so she could add those extras to other 'covens' that had less than her favorite number. Using crotch cheese made from cultivating the yeasts from her unploughed twat, she glued this obvious fabrication to the 'horned god' that existed only in her imagination, doubtless inspired by double penetration fantasies since the cave art and drawings the skanky fraud cited did not contain horns.

Things would have been fine with these empty and thoroughly discredited ramblings consigned to the outhouse of history had a randy old goat named Gerald Gardner not happened upon them. An avid nudist, Gerald was always on the lookout for ways to get women out of their knickers. He claimed that on September 1939, after being taken to the house of a wealthy woman, he was stripped naked for an initiation where he heard the word "Wica", though as he was naked it could very well have been "Wanker". Regardless as to the questionable existence of the wealthy lady and the ceremony, the horny fucker Gerald begins churning out books tying this newly created cult to faeries, Knights Templar, the Rosicrucians, Druids, and a hodge-podge of other decidedly non-Wiccan beliefs.  If there was a hare brained idea that he could even remotely imagine being related to this fairy tale, George inserted it. George wanted to get women naked and jiggling, pure and simple. If pulling stuff out of his ass and calling it a religion would do it, he was clearly not opposed to using this as a tool to get gullible bimbos nekkid.

This goulash of gibberish eventually gets the addition of insignificant thoughts from a delusional muff muncher named Matilda Joslyn Cage. Matilda, or "Stinky Finger Matty" as she was known to her friends, was able to insert her own head completely into her rancid snatch. Suffering from oxygen deprivation during one of these spelunking expeditions, Stinky Finger Matty proposed the laughably stupid notion of prehistoric religion being matriarchal goddess worship.  Such an ignorant proposition never received serious attention in the fields of archaeology and anthropology which gives us a different and considerably more accurate picture, but the idea really caught hold when it came to women even dumber than Matty.  Then toss some ancient goddesses into the pot for fun. Those wacky wiccan women like to identify their goddess with the Greek Diana while ignoring that Greek women had virtually no rights, the Egyptian Isis whose worship involved drowning a virgin girl, and the Babylonian Ishtar whose female clergy were temple slaves that were branded with her symbol. Wow! Golly! How empowering! What progressive thinkers those religions were!

Modern Day Wiccan in all Her Glory

And so we come to the modern age. The Wiccan's of today insist, despite all evidence to the contrary, that their religion predates most, if not all, other religions. Theirs is a more Head Up Ass Revisionist approach to their religion because they are as ignorant and stupid as the worthless walking milk bags that helped invent Wicca less than 200 years ago. Far from liberating and empowering women, they through their insistence that they practice an ancient religion show us all that women are doltish sperm receptacles that should keep their fucking mouths closed when it isn't servicing a cock. This was true of the mothers of Wicca back in 1956, and it is true today. You aren't part of an ancient religion, your mother wasn't a high priestess in an ancient religion, you aren't empowered, you aren't liberated, and you obviously aren't educated. Dancing naked under a full moon gets you nothing more than mosquito bites on your pudgy ass. Get real, get a life, and admit that yours is an infant religion.

Oh, but I do forget my manners! I have forgotten that I am insulting a group with the collective intelligence quotient of a half empty detergent bottle. So let me simplify my argument for you.

"Ohhh, look, you're pretending to have a religion! Isn't that sooooo cute! And I see you have a spice rack with a lot of herbs. That will come in handy when you get your ass in the kitchen and start cooking!"

Harsh, I know. But look on the bright side. At least your religion has a longer pedigree than those fucking retarded clamhead Scientologists. Now there is a really stupid fucking religion!